For a tiny second, after typing "Back" and looking at it, my brain read "Back to School" and I had minor heart palpitations. Funny how we can have our own sort of PTSD attached to various experiences in our lives.
My writing has been a struggle this past year. I've had so much on my plate during the school year that I couldn't breathe out the time to focus on myself and my personal/professional needs in writing. We sold our house and moved which just added another layer of work to everything. I have to admit, though, that I'm a little disappointed in myself for not making the time (like I always teach other writers) to write like I should. I felt like a fraud at times. I've felt like a failure more often than not.
I'm not alone though. There are times that I feel like a deserted island under a brutal sun surrounded by unmoving water, but I'm never really alone. I'm lucky enough to have friends (writer and other) who have been here to listen and encourage me. They've offered me sunscreen or tried to help me build a raft while always listening to my worries.
Being a writer is not easy. Every day is work. Every day is reminding oneself that this is a job, too. Jobs = work, dedication, and perseverance. That last one was my daughter's word for this. She reminds me of what I've accomplished while my brain tries to tell me what I haven't done yet. There has to be a balance there -- between what is done and undone -- or we fall into this pit of wondering at our own worth.
My goals for this summer:
1) re-edit MadCap and continue to shop it around
2) give book 2 of Ice Burns another once-over and publish it already (it was ready at the end of last summer and I purchased the cover during the fall)
3) dive into something new -- a new story, a new opportunity, a new sense of self
Things I know about myself:
1) I feel more like myself when I write or edit -- I become whole
2) People (beyond just family and friends) enjoy my writing and support me
3) I will never improve if I don't continue and quitting is not an option
Happy Writing. I hope you all realize that life is full of opportunities even when it seems like they're sand slipping through your fingers. Just grab another handful and start again. Eventually some of it will stick with you.